A Norse Rewrite
by Eventyr
Summary: In which the God of Thunderstorms and mythology's greatest Trickster go undercover on a retrieval mission. Sasuke is less than happy about it.  SasuNaruSasu


"...Before we go in there, I have two questions," Sasuke started, thoroughly annoyed. Naruto looked over at him expectantly, a huge, mischievous grin eating half his face.

"Go 'head, shoot," the blond encouraged. His blue eyes flicked downwards to enjoy the view, and his grin widened. Sasuke scowled at him and jabbed a vicious elbow into his side. Naruto grimaced, trying to keep the expression from being too obvious to the patrolling guards. His grin didn't vanish completely, though; this was too good.

Sasuke waited a moment for the blond to recover, then promptly hit him a second time in the exact same spot as he asked, "First of all, how the Hel did Orochimaru get his slimy hands on my Kusanagi in the first place?"

Naruto rubbed at the sore spot gingerly, smiling at a passing soldier as best as he could through a grimace. "Jotunn are slimy? I don't know, it's your stupid weapon. And I'm helping you get it back, so _stop hitting me_."

"Which brings me to my next question," Sasuke started grimly. He waited until they were moving forward to feign another jab at Naruto's side, hooking his foot around the trickster's ankle as the blond moved to block him. He took a moment to feign surprise as Naruto tumbled face-first onto the walkway, and took a step back as Naruto climbed unhappily to his feet. If Tsunade wasn't expecting them to come back with the damned sword, Naruto grumbled to himself... Of course, that little trip had also given him a fabulous view up Sasuke's skirt, so it wasn't all bad.

Yes. Skirt.

"Why am I dressed like Hinata?"

Which summed that up just about perfectly. Naruto dusted his own dress off, and beamed at his fellow god.

"Because," Naruto explained, "like you said, Orochimaru stole Kusanagi, and refuses to give it back unless Tsunade - the Mother of All Gods, Ruler of the Aesir, and all-around Boss Lady - agrees to hand over our pretty Hinata, our very own Goddess of Love and Beauty. Which she's doing, only this time Hinata is you. I thought I explained this?"

Sasuke glared. "I'm the God of Thunderstorms and a Harbinger of War. I'd much rather have just stormed the snake's castle."

"Yeah, but Tsunade agreed with me. And you have some really gorgeous legs," Naruto paused, leaning back a little to get a better look at said legs, "so you pull off Love and Beauty really well. Same with that skirt. Damn."

Sasuke glowered at him, and Naruto cleared his throat, getting promptly back on topic. He gestured to his own distinctly (and scantily clad) female body - being a shapeshifter had it's upsides - and continued, "I'm going in as your handmaiden, because as... pretty... as... you are..."

"_Stop ogling my legs_."

"Ahem. Right. As pretty as you are, you're not half so charming. So that's my job!"

"Can we just get this over with?" growled the God of Thunderstorms, Harbinger of War, and owner of the most gorgeous gams in Asgard (in Naruto's humble opinion). The Trickster God hung back for a second just for the view - Sasuke had a really great ass, too - then hurried to catch up, grinning the whole way.

Twenty minutes later, they were being presented to Orochimaru, the jotunn ruler of Sound. And Naruto had been right: he _was _slimy. He also had Kusanagi sitting right beside him. Sasuke eyed the sword speculatively.

"Ah, my Lady Hinata," Orochimaru purred (well, hissed, more like, but Naruto was willing to attibute that more to the man's snake-like qualities and freakishly long tongue than any intentional effort), running his long, pale fingertips down Sasuke's cheek. Sasuke twitched. "So nice to see you have finally joined me. Please, sit."

Orochimaru tugged the Thunder God forward, not noticing the way the dark-haired beauty's eyes sharpened on Kusanagi as he neared it. Only a little more, then - Sasuke's eyes widened as Naruto choked on a laugh. Was he really sitting in Orochimaru's lap? ...Yes. Yes he was. His eye twitched.

"...You're not Hinata," Orochimaru noted mildly. His hand slipped further up Sasuke's skirt. He smirked, hissing (deliberately, this time; he was pretty good at it), "Well... That's alright. I don't mind."

Sasuke made a strangled sound and lunged for Kusanagi. And as they fought their way out, Naruto wondered what Tsunade would think when she found out they'd been fighting for Sasuke's chastity. Even if the god didn't actually have any left (and Naruto would know, he'd claimed it all for himself).

She'd probably laugh, too.


End file.
